My name is Sangeeta and my friend Connor and I hate a lot of things.
I think Twilight gives humanity in general a bad name. Archaeologist from the 51st century are going to find it and laugh at us. They’ll look at it and assume that its an accurate representation of the values of our society.
Sadly, they would not be too far off. There is a terrifying population of the world that truly believes that Edward Cullen is romantic and that Twilight is a classic piece of literature. Stephenie Meyer doesn’t know how to write and she certainly doesn’t know what a plot is. She must have skipped the class on continuity at the college where she got a degree in English.
A degree in English. Just let that sink in.
Stephenie Meyer writes this as though she utilizes the right-click synonym function in MIcrosoft word. This is something I haven’t done since fourth grade.
I have a huge problem with the fact that Bella is written to look exactly like Stephenie Meyer. I mean, the character I’ve been working on, Max, has some of the same traits that I do. That’s something that makes it easier for me to write him in a believable way. But he has to adapt to the storyline, and he has to grow and that’s usually a really hard process. At least I didn’t write a story that was essentially a fanfiction of my life.
I also don’t understand why in Breaking Dawn there was a good five second clip of Stephenie Meyer staring dreamily at Bella during the wedding scene. And yes, I saw it. Don’t call me a hypocrite. It’s better that I watch it and actually know what I’m talking about.
But anyways why was she even there? She was acting like she was an important character, and that is annoying. At least when Hitchcock showed up in his films, he was doing something subtle in the back. He wasn’t staring at the screen like a psychotic middle aged woman who wrote four novels about a dream she had about a really hot guy.
But this the main thing you should take away from this: Twilight is based on the fact that as long as you smell good/are hot, you can be as much of a dick as you want, and women of all ages will think you’re perfect.
Spoiler: You’re not.
Things Connor and I Hate #1: Moves Like Jagger
We really don’t like the song Moves Like Jagger, so that is item number 1 on our list. I personally have an automatic hatred for pop songs that mention Mick Jagger, and especially those that rhyme ‘swagger’ with ‘Jagger’. It’s like… we get it, it’s a clever rhyme. Now move on.
I also think Christina Aguilera over sings a lot. Before you start saying things like “Oh, do you think you can do better?” I’ll just say that no, I know for a fact that I couldn’t sing better than she does. But that’s just a stupid argument. Because if a surgeon cuts away at the wrong part of my body, I’d complain and you wouldn’t say those things. If you are a singer, singing is your job. You should be good at it.
And apparently that is not the way the world works. Like at all.